Dying to know, afraid to find out?

I’m probably back with a new idea, and this amazing Lang Leav’s lines brought me here :

He and I

When words run dry,

He doesn’t try,

nor do I

We are on par

He just is,

I just am

and We just are

My head is full of all kind of thoughts. I’m afraid of what you might say, so I want to give up. I was ever, maybe? A bit expectant, but then again, I decided to givin in. Not that I’m being coward, but to the softest feeling that i have for you, i'm weak. Its existence just as small as pebble,unseen. So genuinely cute, but its sting idk maybe it could do me a favor, who knows how broken i‘ll be? I’m keepin it myself, put in the deepest corner, try hard to hide it so it’ll beat in disguise. There I turned totally wrong for misjudge it as a little one while now I’m suffering for its powerful beat, agonizing. 

 

And here, inside. It feels like a storm, the more i try to hide my feeling, then the more they will show. and that smile, why am I still so out of it?  Pretty damn hard to pretend like it’s nothing.

That’s right. I am. You are. We’re a human after all. I wonder, with all the things goin up in my mind, were you ever feeling this nervous back then? Because I do. I’m feeling it now. I’m loose for my stupid principle, couldn’t stand strong and trembling. I get my hopes up over something so small for then I get disappointed. But I can’t help but get my hopes up again. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up like this, huh? 

She’s a person with feelings, and she can’t be fine all the time. Amidst this toughness, she made a rule just in case to guarantee her stupid little hope. Like a reminder, she’s been compromised with her old versioned-self  far longer before  she ever decided  to give it a try, it’s that things all by her own, never expect  to be declared as a rapport, never expect to be confessed,  never expect to be responded, never expect to be loved back in return, never expect  to be supported by the crowd, and never expect to be true it’s just it, trapped between irrational thoughts.

So here I’ll make a deal, hopefully not another stupid one just like before. I admit it, accepting its existence, I’ll make a time just to let it heal, cause I know it’s real and I’m not forcing anything, never give its limit time to heal, just slowly enjoy it, in a little hope it’ll vanish into nothingness. Nothingness? Am i lying myself? Sincerely isn't it hard to choose? Stay expecting for an empty hopes or leaving when you know right your heart wants to be there

This feeling, the same as always makes me sad

Find another one? Sure I will. Somebody just like you but never be you and if it’s not now, whenever when. Any other person, they’re just not going to cut it now, and it’s probably not because they won’t be able to do these things.  Truth is, It’s just that if it’s not you these things wouldn’t be same. Literally this time. Just by this time, who knows what future holds for each of us? 

P.s : I love you, for a fear. For I know I’m a resilient person. For I love you, I let you go.

Real p.s : Inspired by : "remember me" ost coco, "When you say nothing at all" covered by endless summer, dan efek terpapar poet baper  :’) 

"Try as they may they could never define, what's being said between your heart and mine" inii smooth guys :')

Oyaaa and guess what? Kak R is officially a doctor by April 13th 2019. Keep shining kakkkk, juga tulisan ini kadang Aku merasa keren bisa nulis giniannn,  nomatter how disgusting it sounds, you did great, buddy! I love you, myself :'))) 

Inii jugaa, morelessly elio's word has a half-related to me more  like - almost- most-relatively?

"I am not wise at all. I told you, I know nothing. I know books and I know how to string the words together, it doesn't mean I know how to speak about the things that matter most to me"

Coma,